of intelligent minds and vegetarian food...

i had a banana leaf vegetarian dinner... why you ask? cos i felt like it. and it tasted good. there's this chinese guy playing 02 jam besides me... the iq needed to play this game is amazingly... none!

my last entry seems to be the most boring and "this-shit-don't-make-sense" kind of entry... lets not do that no more shall we?

a friends' entry talked about multiple personalities... i think all of us have it. i definitely do. lemme name em all...

sashi kumar balakrishnan
c.loco
mavice playtoy
michale eskay
kincaid he||star

that's a lot of personalities don't you think?

promised puppy that i'd go to the hospital tomorrow...

rock and roll!! says:
how you puppy
rock and roll!! says:
feeling any better? how throat?
[]mavice playtoy[] says:
throat still swollen
rock and roll!! says:
awww *hug*
rock and roll!! says:
did puppy go doctor?
[]mavice playtoy[] says:
not yet
[]mavice playtoy[] says:
tomorrow
rock and roll!! says:
promise k
[]mavice playtoy[] says:
k
rock and roll!! says:
i don't want puppy getting more sick

she's such a sweetheart... actually i am getting worried about my throat. executorazmin's entry also put the fear of god in me... tomorrow is hospital day for me... i hate hospitals... wonder if anyone would accompany me...

what is the measure on one's intelligence? is it the words that come tumbling out of one's mouths? or is it their thought process? if it is then how is one judged to be intelligent? is it wit? response time? reaction process? iq? neil gaiman? *lol*
i'm rambling on ain't i... till another entry... later...

most stuff are better left unsaid...

i was depressed yesterday... have been working in bkt raja shopping since friday and seeing so many couples walking around just got to me i guess... not that i hate them. no i don't. in fact they looked real sweet to me.

just that it reminded me of how successfully unsuccessful i am at relationships.(yes i am freaked at my own truth and how i worded it in my previous entry) my longest relationship was a year and a half. that's not long at all. in fact its short. and all my other relationships lasted less than a year... (if you're askin i've been in seven relationships)

the scenery just hurt...

i've come up with a description of what its like to be a broadcast dj/mc. besides the playing music for the masses and talking absolute bullshit selling stuff that you won't even buy, it feels like watching a movie with only the soundtrack on and the dialogue off.

my one love for this work stems from my love for children. and i get to work with lots of em... only that gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

dateline : saturday night
timeline : right after work
healthline : swollen left eye, aching right shin, swollen throat
mentalline : depressed due to lacking couple action

decided to go clubbin anyway even though i was working the next day at 10 in the morn. needed to be around friends. got to espanda and thx to joeiy's amazin eye drops my eye started feelin better...
felt quite anti-social and the liverpool game on tv made it easier to be. at around one, with liverpool leading 2-0, went over to nouvo. the music was right, the girls looked good and my mood changed. wanted to dance with someone but she seemed busy. oh well... i knew this was gonna happen. in fact i think i actually accidentally set it up.

*small note* there's this one girl that i was dancing with, she just so fits me... her physical frame fit so snuggly in my arms that i was so comfortable dancing with her... this barely happens to me you see... thx amy...

*another small note* my throat hurts like f*ck!

*last small note* for the guys, try to listen to afroman's wonderful tonite. it's funny...

at around 2 something, i finally couldn't take it and i went out for some fresh air... and i realised that i was actually jealous... think i was jealous of the lack of attention... (or so i hoped)

ignored her till the end of the night...

why am i talkin about this again? i guess most stuff are better left unsaid... later...

ramblings of a fool...

wrote a poem with that title. now if only i could find my poetry book then i shall put em here...

been away from blogging due to work... one utama from sunday till thursday and then friday in bkt raja klang and then sat and sun was pre release in kl. 9 straight days of working can really get to you... stayed over in joe's place on sunday and last night.
*mental note* [never watch a liverpool game in joe's place]

i hate driving sometimes. actually most of the time. is it just me or do a majority of drivers just lack common sense? i know even i am guilty of bad driving once in a awhile, but at least i try not to get in the way of others. if i'm gonna break the law like make an illegal u turn or sumthin like that, i try to make sure that i don't cause others trouble. and yet everyone else seems to be driving with only them in their minds. the malaysian mentality. kiasu driving. tech wrote about this as well sometime before. i just had to say it again.

had a lot of catching up to do when i finally came back online. reading blogs, friendster bulletins, emails, messages etc.

lemme tell you about a f*cked up cyber cafe in amcorp mall. its on the third floor and if you're in the area and wanna go online, don't bother. they charge rm3 per hour and the connection is so slow my late grandfather can run faster. the pc's are obsolete and they tend to hang now and then. the connection is also jerky. ah... enuff bitching. anyway...

when i was working in one utama, since it was so boring, made friends with 2 ladies working in one of the boutique near my console. i'd let 3 songs run and go hang with them. then back and talk some shit on the mic and back to them. if it wasn't for them i don't know how i would've survived 4 days of total boredom.

how do you flirt with a married woman? you don't. but i still did. why you ask? cos i found her intriguing. and she was real pretty. and she was intelligent. and she was not lan si... not easy to find one of those nowadays... been talking to her on the phone on and off and its been like a rose blooming. she says she is an open book. i'm not so sure. and yet reading her is a pleasure...

am i an open book? i tend to tell people anything they wanna know, if they bother to ask. but do they really know me? like do they know my pattern of thought? i think my pattern of thought is unique. weird too.

lin ming : locs, what are you gonna do in like a few years time? you can't be doing this dj thing all the time...
locs : don't ask me a question i don't have the answer to.
lin ming : i'm sorry...
locs : don't be, its just that if i think back too much or think forward too much i get depressed. so i live in the present...

is that the right thing to do? immerse yourself in the present? lets go thru my life in short sentences...

- grew up in a family that moved a lot...
- was quite the loner, not many close friends...
- joined college and finished a diploma and then tried to finish the advanced diploma. didn't manage to though. quit when my 4 years ran out...
- enjoyed an amazing time and the whole world noticed me when i joined poetic ammo...
- money was good, the women were great...
- successfully unsuccessful when it came to relationships...
- end of an era, left ammo(more like kicked out) in 2001...
- owned a magic shop for like a year and half. won a tournament and sold it off when the workload became too much...
- been bumming around for like 3 years since with no visible future plans... just music i guess...
- started getting involved in the broadcast dj/mc line.

now do you blame me for living just in the present?
*************************************************************

just bumped into amy online, my ex-gf who's in perth. she's such a sweetheart...

watever you want says:
dearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
[]mavice playtoy[] says:
*looks up*
watever you want says:
dun be like this!!
[]mavice playtoy[] says:
how ?
watever you want says:
like this.. dun be like this.. i dun kno how to react
watever you want says:
i was just saying to ad the last time i talked to him, tht every year i see you and you just look smaller and smaller...
watever you want says:
i mean like so weighed down...
watever you want says:
this is not good, you have to know that ya *-)
watever you want says:
this is wat i mean about being worried about you

*you can take my breath away ...*
***************************************

read this off a bulletin :
Me : Why are we then constantly unhappy?
God : Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That's why you are not happy.
Me : But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?
God : Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.

how i wish it was that easy... think i've rambled enough today... later...

melancholy is a good word...

my last two entries could not be published on the day i wrote them so here it is... enjoy...

it's been 4 days since i have been away from the net... and the world moved on without me... let's list them out one by one...

1: rudy is now a promoter at the loft.
2: ahmad's is in the uk.
3: isla has a blog now.
4: lena's blog disappeared.
5: kitty seems to have gone missing again.
6: may lin's back from australia.
7: a bomb went off in jakarta.
8: azmin has went and came back from a family trip to port dickson.
9: i've apparently been rejected before even asking for anything.

well well... thats a long list...

if you're wondering where the hell i've been, the answer is that i've been working. plus i had a good friend from brunei down here staying with me. meaning he was my invisible twin. whatever i did, i had to think of him first. didn't mind it much though...

working as what you ask? as a dj cum mc. where you ask? at one utama. i will be there till this thursday actually. i started working last saturday and till this coming sunday, i'll still be working. just got paid today for the work done over the weekend. felt ultimately better... now i can pay my overdue rent.

went online and my spirits just dropped. oh well... the world waits for no one.

tech was bugging me the other day about finishing my single, since jimbo and i both started at the same time, but he finished his single and now is enjoying massive airplay while i'm still here... thx for pushing me dude.

i'm depressed now. don't know the exact reason why, but i think it's an amalgamation of a few things in my head and how the world looks now from my tinted view...

the price to pay for smoking has just increased. in fact it is exactly rm1.10 more expensive now! a pack of 20's for rm6.50! the horror!

no really! the horror!

i still feel sucky now. lame joke didn't work... but as always, watch me smile... *smile*

last but not least, on a much brighter note(if any note could be bright on a day like this), had a really long conversation on the phone with someone the other day. someone who loves anne of green gables(don't think she does as much as i do) as well as the vampire chronicles. talk about intelligent people hidden away in all corners of the world...

was just thinking that i wanted to talk to someone and yet no one was online. then puppy comes on. suddenly realized that i didn't want to talk to anyone. that's cos i know what they'll say. don't wish to hear what i already know.

and yet i still crave for affection...

i'm sorry i pushed you away puppy...

fuck. melancholy is definitely a good word... later...

*i am not perfect. i expect no one to be. i expect everyone to expect the same from me*
-sashi kumar balakrishnan-

jimbo on hitz.fm...

to those who know jimbo or just supports local music, check out the new debut single from james baum titled "skirts". it features damian of ve and debut at number 21 on hitz.fm's top 30 yesterday! hope he gets to number one on malaysian top ten! later...

of changes and webcams...

i love webcams... shows you a smile that brightens up your day...

today's topic of discussion is changes and how it affects people. out of the blue, a lot of people on my blog reading list have been on a blogskin changing spree... if you remember, even i tried changing mine a couple of days back... didn't work out though... i also shaved my mustache off a few weeks back... weird how much of an effect that had on people...

changes... of friends and scenery, work and relationships... lotsa stuff. what i really wanted to mention was sudden events that change your routine. for instance, your car window gets smashed for no apparent f*cking reason and now wherever you wanna go, you have to think of the car first... or getting into an accident just when you wanted to borrow your sister's car to pick up your new gf from the airport...

i still remember when i was in school, and i used to walk to it everyday since my bike was stolen(another example of a life changing event). so one day, i cross the road to my school and i stop in the middle to look the other way and this motorbike sideswipes me from my blindside... his handle hits my stomach and his helmet bangs into my head. now for the amazing part. at this particular moment that this happened, i remember thinking exactly, oh shit there goes my day. imagine me getting sideswiped, in slo-mo, and i'm thinkin man why did this had to happen now? the guy ended up falling, cos he was avoiding me and i was still standing. anyway my injuries was not so bad(the pain was bearable) so i continued on to school. later on some teacher heard about what happened and sent me off to the hospital halfway thru schoolday.
random notes :
[1] i'm being hit by this motorbike and all i can think of is how this is gonna ruin my day?
[2] small changes actually makes way for bigger ones.
[3] we plan and plan and yet when something goes wrong, like if you happen to die, nothing happens. and yet the plan seems so important... more important than your health or well being... (in my case anyway)

next week on ramblings of an idiot: maggi goreng! is it good for you or does it make your hair fall off? listen as experts give their opinions!

oh yeah, rudy thx for telling the world bout the unspoken rule of toilet urinals! now the girls know the torture that guys go through in urinals... later...

abracadabra and long lost loves...

have you been close to someone before in the past, someone whom you had feelings for, whom had feelings for you(or you thought so) and yet now when you meet them they barely even acknowledge that you exist?

was it something that you did before? are they ashamed of how you were involved in their past? did you not even mean anything to them that they can avoid you/ignore you without batting an eyelid?

i don't think i can do that. i hate being ignored. i hate being made to feel unimportant when i know that i am somewhat somewhere...

if someone was that close to me before, i can't ignore them or avoid them without a valid reason. if they wanted to know that reason i would probably tell them. right now, i can't think of any valid reasons. i can't consciously ignore someone that meant something to me before. even if it was years ago...

smoke break. trying to cut down...

i need to find rm250 today to pay for my rent. wonder how i'm gonna pull the rabbit out of the hat this time. been living on the edge for the past 3 years now... not a great feeling. sometimes i wish i could turn back time. would do a few things differently. but then if i did i won't be here and i won't know the people that i know now. things would be different.

i'm melancholy. later...

and life goes on...

such a serious sounding topic don't you think?... that's how i feel like nowadays... was blog hopping just now and i noticed how young everyone was compared to me... not that i am that old, 27 is quite nice actually, but it is on the older side of things...

played in a magic tourney today, and finished just outside the top 8, at 9th place! aaarrrggghhh the agony... magic players will relate... btw, a malaysian, terry soh made top 8 at the worlds... good luck dude!

doing testimonials on friendster, something i barely do. don't know why but i'm not really a testimonial kinda person... just when i get in one of those moods, then i do these testis... *lol*

random story time!
lemme tell ya what happened at my nephews birthday party a couple of weeks back.

scene : aunties and cousins sitting around with me while i eat some chicken curry(was really good curry too)(i came late so there was no more rice) and then my auntie, who hasn't seen me since my sisters wedding 3 years ago asks me :
background : children running around, my nephew shin jin and his homeboys while my other nephew krtine is randomly crawling on the table


auntie : so when are you getting married?
me : i don't know auntie, i don't even have a girlfriend...
auntie : its ok, just tell your mom to find you a wife...
me : i can't even take care of myself auntie, how to take care of a wife?
auntie : don't worry, you don't have to take care of her, she'll take care of you! (chorus of laughter and smiles from my female cousins)

this auntie proceeds to repeat this conversation to my mom later on and she said,
mom : its ok, he's only 27. i give him until he's 30 to get married.

she just barely left out the or else! i love my mom. she's so amazing. yes lena, i will check my temper when i'm with her... i have the cutest mom any son can ever ask for...

ah well... wonder what i'll be doing when i'm 30... time to go a pondering again... later...

we have professionals to coach you...

that's what they said when these two chinese guys took me to cyberjaya to be their model for figure drawing yesterday...

they say you gotta try everything at least once in your life. well i say you should try being a model for figure drawing.
1: its not easy holding an almost athletic pose for 5-10 mins... in fact its bloody difficult...
2: striping down to your boxers in front of complete strangers is not easy. especially when they are gonna be staring at your less than perfect body to draw you...
3: try step 1 and 2 in a room with the air conditioning turned up high...

but it was fun, and getting paid to do it just makes it worthwhile... thx to my ever adventurous housemate... thx girl...

famine and sh*t...

personal joke between me and a friend... told her i'd use her line as a blog entry cos when she said it, it sounded so cute...

well, first of all, my car window got smashed. f*cking assh*le! the perpetrator/s did it out of spite i guess, cos the car door was still locked and nothing was taken from the car. now when it rains, i get a thorough car wash... perfect timing considering that i'm almost completely broke... maybe god is trying to tell me that i should get my ass up and get my priorities straight... no more pushing things off... maybe...

on a brighter note(#1),(cos if i didn't have any i'd be crying bout the car now) continuing where i ended my last entry,
quote
someone sweet called me up today, she's back from aus. need to go see her now, as she needs a favour going around town... later...
unquote
i did go pick her up, got lost a bit but finally found her house and we went to get some food. first of all, she's taller than me. that itself is great intimidation factor. you see, i'm very intimidated by tall women, more so when they're pretty as well. well you see, lena(that's her name, if you're wondering) is quite pretty. in fact i can safely say her smile can make quite an impression on some people, as it did on me...

she's very comfortable to be with... we had some food, and then found out that she's can't go to kl as she doesn't have everything she needs... oh well. ended up hanging in amcorp for a while, played pool and i won something off her(which i intend to collect), then off to her house so that she could call some people... remember, at this point i was not supposed to hang out with her the whole day, and yet when her other friends canceled, i ended up having dinner with her as well... tech joined us for a while... later i sent her back and that was the end of 23 hours spent with someone that i was kinda fond of, and now i really am...

my tooth aches...

random notes :
if i ever needed a reason to quit smoking, i might have one now...

i used to think that i've forgotten how to flirt, now i think it depends on the person i'm with...

sometimes you are scared to say stuff out loud, but that's what blogs are for i guess...

i really like this person, maybe even more than just like, alas she won't be here till dec... god loves doing this to me, showing me what i can reach, and yet i can't have...

i hate having hope... just builds up for the disappointment... and yet i'm a sucker for affection...


on a brighter note(#2), went clubbing with kitty, tech and her friend yesterday... the club was boring and yet being around her just made me smile...

starting from next week, i'll be quite busy on weekends... working as a dj cum mc has its priviledges as well as its downfalls... no life on weekends... considering weekends are my happy days... oh well... sacrifices are in order... later...

alas, all good things must come to an end...

i don't mean the blog, just the template that i was using before. i really liked that one but it also makes the blog look small... oh well... what do u guys think of this template?

to those who replied my earlier question, thank you. now if only i could get my enemies or people that don't like me to say something there like, you are the f***er who ruined my life, die bas*ard!! lol...

merdeka eve was cool, partied till late at nouvo, with joeiy, jai and the gang. i love those guys. they work hard and they party harder! worked in bkt raja shopping complex on merdeka day, as the dj cum mc... was quite alright...

someone sweet called me up today, she's back from aus. need to go see her now, as she needs a favour going around town... later...