abracadabra and long lost loves...

have you been close to someone before in the past, someone whom you had feelings for, whom had feelings for you(or you thought so) and yet now when you meet them they barely even acknowledge that you exist?

was it something that you did before? are they ashamed of how you were involved in their past? did you not even mean anything to them that they can avoid you/ignore you without batting an eyelid?

i don't think i can do that. i hate being ignored. i hate being made to feel unimportant when i know that i am somewhat somewhere...

if someone was that close to me before, i can't ignore them or avoid them without a valid reason. if they wanted to know that reason i would probably tell them. right now, i can't think of any valid reasons. i can't consciously ignore someone that meant something to me before. even if it was years ago...

smoke break. trying to cut down...

i need to find rm250 today to pay for my rent. wonder how i'm gonna pull the rabbit out of the hat this time. been living on the edge for the past 3 years now... not a great feeling. sometimes i wish i could turn back time. would do a few things differently. but then if i did i won't be here and i won't know the people that i know now. things would be different.

i'm melancholy. later...