dearest fallen star...

it's been awhile since i have fallen, and it has been awhile since i have wanted to move mountains for you. and yet i know you're there. not far away but not close enough either i guess. i wish i knew where or how to get myself closer to you. i wish i knew the moment i see you that that is you. i long for you...

i long for days when i wake up and feel you beside me. when i open my eyes and i see your angelic face sleeping beside me. when i lean over to kiss you and you smile in your sleep. when i say i love you and you mouth your "i love you too" back to me in your dreams. when i just look at you and marvel at your exsistence. how someone like you could be so much more than i have imagined. that i could dream of. that i could fathom. i long for you...

a smile is all i can give you now. not knowing where you would appear from next is an exquisite pain like no other. who would you be? how would we meet? what would we say? will you like me straight away? and would i know that you are and will be what i have always wanted? i could go on with these questions, wondering what may be. and i take my next step as always. moving on, not knowing always wondering. i long for you...

you used to be my all. without you i was nothing. i lived my life for you. to be with you. to know you. to encompass you. to liberate myself through you. i willed myself an identity through you. my bad. and when you left i crumbled. i fell down. i cried. i broke down. i lost hope. i lost my dreams. i lost myself. promised myself that that would never happen again. ever. forever. and yet, alas. as always. i still do. though now i give myself away lesser and lesser. until i have none of myself to give you. until you give me back what belongs to me. my life. my heart. my soul. i long for you...