dearest fallen star...

it's been awhile since i have fallen, and it has been awhile since i have wanted to move mountains for you. and yet i know you're there. not far away but not close enough either i guess. i wish i knew where or how to get myself closer to you. i wish i knew the moment i see you that that is you. i long for you...

i long for days when i wake up and feel you beside me. when i open my eyes and i see your angelic face sleeping beside me. when i lean over to kiss you and you smile in your sleep. when i say i love you and you mouth your "i love you too" back to me in your dreams. when i just look at you and marvel at your exsistence. how someone like you could be so much more than i have imagined. that i could dream of. that i could fathom. i long for you...

a smile is all i can give you now. not knowing where you would appear from next is an exquisite pain like no other. who would you be? how would we meet? what would we say? will you like me straight away? and would i know that you are and will be what i have always wanted? i could go on with these questions, wondering what may be. and i take my next step as always. moving on, not knowing always wondering. i long for you...

you used to be my all. without you i was nothing. i lived my life for you. to be with you. to know you. to encompass you. to liberate myself through you. i willed myself an identity through you. my bad. and when you left i crumbled. i fell down. i cried. i broke down. i lost hope. i lost my dreams. i lost myself. promised myself that that would never happen again. ever. forever. and yet, alas. as always. i still do. though now i give myself away lesser and lesser. until i have none of myself to give you. until you give me back what belongs to me. my life. my heart. my soul. i long for you...

last seen...

getting drunk in langkawi... *smiles*

i've had 2 different island holidays this year. amazing year it has been so far in the traveling sense i must say... here's 2 reasons why...

- never been to india and off i went in april
- never had and island vacation and now i had been to 2

last weekend was langkawi and it was 4 days of fun and being mind-blasted with alcohol... though i must say adam and kamarul being bitten by the jellyfish and them staying in hospital langkawi holiday resort for one day definitely took the shine off the trip a bit. me? i was relishing in rm9.60 6 cans of carlsbergs and the tequila bottle that made me smile...

was supposed to meet up with a friend who stays there but lo and behold, she had a sudden conference to handle that took up all her time for 4 whole freakin days. *sighs*

plus my ex has this bad habit of calling me and picking a fight with me when i am so far away... why do girls do that anyway? what she says to me cannot be acted upon till i get back. haiz... somehow i am glad to be single (the loneliness hasn't hit me yet... as girls are throwing themselves at me at the moment)

finished my verse for psychomantra and 21 soulblaze yet i almost lost my voice in langkawi. so recording is not anytime soon. writing in tamil was not easy. though sitting in front of a beautiful beachfront got my creative juices flowing....



this is the reason why the resort we were staying at was called sunset beach resort... the sunset was breathtaking....

and the only pussy action i got over there was..



she was adorable... *smiles* all in all was a good trip. hanging out with my brother is all cool. he ain't heavy numsayin...