damned if i do...

damned if i don't...

it's been a while now since i posted something of interest...

there's so many things in my head that i would like to pour out and yet i have difficulty expressing myself... maybe point forms would help...

* made top 4 in a magic tourney recently... which means that i have gone 8 wins, 1 draw and 1 loss with that deck... mmmm....

* performed in university of nottingham and ukm for xfresh road tour on monday and today... was fun, nottingham was more open minded and the students didn't mind being put in the centre of attention. meanwhile ukm students were mainly tudung chicks and very soft guys. but they were some who did enjoy themselves and made my day... also dayang nurfaizah also performed so it made their day...

* went to singpaore a couple of weeks ago and had loads of fun eevn though it was only for 2 days and 2 nights... met up with phatnatrix and got a verse for the second single written, met up with an internet friend ana, who turned out to be quite a fun girl to hang out with. also hung out with jess, my fav sg airline stewardess in training, and played in a wrestling tourney. went 3-4 and didn't win anything yet still enjoyed myself...

* second single is on track with 2 language version planned. the malay version fatures phatnatrix and the english version features k town clan... hopefully if things go well, it'll come out by may...

*i got good news and bad news... the good news is i quit smoking. the bad news is i quit smoking... yet after 26 days off it, i started again... oh well...

more updates another day... later...

copying is a form of flattery...

you'll understand soon enough...

you go through life thinking, that you've said it all and you've seen it all and yet your thoughts seem unique and only after a lengthy explanation does someone else understand what/how you think...

and yet today i read someone's thoughts which mirrors mine to almost a milipoint... read on... (p/s sorry girl, but i gotta flick this, all credit to you though...)

"I would like to bring up my kids as free thinkers. Having faith in the existence of a supreme power which the human race has named it God is alright, because I too often find myself questioning on many issues that science can't prove jackshit. However I would want them to believe that destiny lies in our hands and not in the hands of God."
- *nods vigorously*

"This may sound a bit harsh especially if you're a Christian reading this, but committing a sin and then praying and confessing to cleanse your sins in just utter bullshit in my opinion. Mind you, I'm not against Christianity. I have a whole love-hate thing for all religions including Hinduism. So I'd rather practise all the good teachings which doesn't take a religion to knock it into my head and try to do as much good deeds as possible in my short lifespan."
- thank you...

religion has been one sore topic for me as i had not been able to get someone to explain or answer all my questions about them... yet when i put my thoughts on the table, it brushed aside and i'm told that what is true cannot be denied... (really...)

more identical thoughts...

"Ambiguity"
I started to wonder why do people with the same mindset as me get into relationships. A point to ponder on."
- i'm in love with falling in love...

"As opposed to some lovers' idea of getting hooked with the intention of getting hitched someday to the same person, why do people like me get into relationships? We find it healthier to go with the flow in a steady relationship than to plan too far ahead and get doomed when the plans start to fall out of hand and looking dim. But doesn't that imply we're just an aimless bunch of morons falling in love to no avail? Some may say it's too love, care, bla bla fucking bla unconditionally and get what you give and it's an awesome feeling."
- i'm successfully unsuccessful at realtionships...

"Don't you do that to your family and friends too? How does it differ from a special someone? Guess the answer's the intimacy. The adrenaline rushes and the sex could be the core reason. We don't get on just to fuck. You have the love-care related reasons but subconsciously it's the romance that gets to the pinnacle behind your conscience. I totally understand the "feeling" being in love and all that jazz, but without having an aim to what stage I wanted to carry on I did wonder why was I in the relationship in the first place. It's hard to describe."
-and yet justify it i do...

"I wasn't doing it because everyone did. Neither did I tell myself I want to love and care for someone and give all I could coz that's just plain bullshit as I love and care for my family and foes. The only significant difference is the intimacy. But that wasn't the only reason I stuck foot into it. Obviously not! We could fuck around without getting into a relationship but it's a whole load of different feeling to get down on someone you love and not any handpicked mofo out there. However you can't go down on your brother or sister or friend can you? I'm not refering to fuck buddies here, that's a different story alltogether. So we need a special someone to experience the two in one package and not just pure sex with no passion."
-i know love makes all the difference with sex...

"So WHAT was my reason for being the relationships? I don't know. But I won't stop getting into it if the person's right and stick to my mindset as long as the term marriage doesn't interfere in my life. It was fun being in love tho :) I don't know how's it gonna be next but the past was desirable."
-i'm in one right now... so let's see where it gets me to...

thank you my dear bav... later...

leaving on a moving bus...

i'm leaving for singapore in six and a half hours...

there's a card game tournament i'm involved in and will be back on monday... been working quite a bit lately yet the money has been slow in coming...

have been managing to watch every single episode of american idol this season and so far i've noticed one thing that i haven't noticed before... how annoying randy and paula are! when they give their flower scented comments or dog pound whoopdedoos, simon keeps quiet. yet when he says something, anything, they butt in ALL the time... and to tell you the truth, i seem to agree with cowell 90% of the time...

talent is one thing, to use it and have the correct song that fits you while entertaining the crowd and making sure you look good on camera is not easy and everyone screws up at it...

though it is fun watching ryan and simon throw wiity comments about each other...

went to melaka with tech and back and then the weekend after was in genting for more work... read about the melaka trip on tech's blog.

got a few things coming up for me... wish me luck people... later...