be what may, if the gods wishes it so...

then that is what will transpire... who am i to f*ck with fate?

is it just me, or does this new year feel like any other normal day... just another reason to party?

i just feel normal... feel no reason to celebrate... how has my year been? mmmmmm... almost like the previous one as well. anything worth mentioning that happened involving me in the year? let's see...
- almost finished my single
- performed in x games on my birthday with my brothers band
- quit smoking
- started this blog
- met someone who is worth feeling pain for again...

to those who told me good luck with me quitting smoking, thx... and i am doing it because of me. just needed a catalyst. been wanting to quit for ages now. shortness of breath, chest pains, nicotine cravings... i started hating the dependency i had for nicotine... and the smell...

i really want to quit for good. but like rudy said, it's easy to quit, and easy to pick it up again... i think it's more like it's hard to quit, but so easy to pick up again...

i most probably will be performing in orange for new years eve... merry christmas everyone, and have a safe new year... later...

word of the day... (so thats what it actually truly means... *smile*)
melancholy

• noun
deep and long-lasting sadness.

• adjective
sad or depressed.

— derivateves melancholic adjective.

— origin greek melankholia, from melas ‘black’ + khole ‘bile’, an excess of which was formerly believed to cause depression.

wise men say...

only fools rush in....

random typical conversation:-

random friend : how've u been ? it's been so long since we've talked... anything new?
playtoy (me) : nothing much really. same old, same old... i'm "still" working on my single/album. i'm "still" single. i'm "still" broke and etc...
random friend : ok. i just wanna wish you all the best...
playtoy : thx...

today's random conversation:- (if i had one that is...)

random friend : how've u been ? it's been so long since we've talked... anything new?
playtoy : yeah! i quit smoking the other day. i had my last cigarette 4 days, 5 hours and 30 minutes ago.
random friend : really ? wow! how'dya do it?
playtoy : it was a christmas present for someone... also for me as well. oh and my single will be released on the 15th of january. during the hitz.fm birthday bash if everything goes well... just for radio airplay first...
random friend : not for sale ?
playtoy : no. not enough money to press singles for sale...
random friend : so who is this *wink* person you quit smoking for?
playtoy : my fav person at the current moment... she's been my fav person for quite a while now...
random friend : i knew it! it's for a girl... if it was a guy i'd be worried...
playtoy : i'd be worried too... thought i got over the whole gay bit...
random friend : you were gay?
playtoy : mmm... i was... ermm... happy! yeah gay as in happy! yeah...

*editors note - playtoy is not gay and never was, well the last time i checked anyway... *smile*

performed twice in orange over the past 2 weeks... once for their r&b night and the other was for hitz.fm club hitz ice rush x'mas party... was ok... just did the single... got good response for it...

ironically, the last time i really quit something was also during christmas, 2001, i quit drinking... that lasted 9 months... hope i can quit smoking for good... to my friends who have been supportive, thx..

tech : i give him 8 months... just expecting that random phone call... (the last time i quit drinking, i called him up and asked him if i can drink...)
richie : i give him 3 months! tops!

wow guys... thx for the vote of confidence... *lol* i love my friends...

andy : locs, rokok jom...
locs : i quit man...
andy : really? oh.. jom ah rokok!
locs : i mean like really! *lol*

one more for the road...

(as i was leaving rudy's place after the christmas party at his place the morning after...)
rudy : here you go dude(passes me a new box of dunhill reds)
locs : but dude, i quit smoking... (blur look on face)
rudy : really? i thought you were joking...
locs : hahhaha... yeah i'm for real...
rudy : you can have it anyway, just in case...
locs : it's ok dude... i'll be fine...

and i'm the perennial martyr/fool... am i to blame? later...

word of the day... (yes manshaan, i looked it up...)
testimonial
/testimoniel/

• noun
1 a formal statement testifying to someone’s character and qualifications.
2 a public tribute to someone and to their achievements

pleasant distraction...

a name of a card from the versus trading card game. made sense today.

as i played in the 10k tourney which i've been playtesting for the past three weeks for, the function room opposite us had the international tourism model photography session. definitely a pleasant distraction.

highlight of the day : as we stood there watching these lovely ladies walking around, the mother of one of the players stood besides us and were egging us on as we checked these girls out. the most cool part was this was a cool tudung-wearing makcik who spoke excellent english and was from ipoh! never judge a book by its cover!

cool-tudung wearing makcik : go ahead son, choose one girl!
son : mmm... ok ma...
me & tech : dang makcik! you rock!
cool tudung-wearing makcik : you want to choose one of the girls, choose someone near, like the thailand girl...
tech & me: now you talkin makcik!
cool tudung-wearing makcik : "ooh ooh ooh"(like the arsenio hall show chant. she even does the fist throwing gesture!)

at this point in the conversation me & tech just burst out laughing because it was just so random....

tourney review: (if you're not a card game fan, you might wanna skip this paragraph)

i went 4 wins 5 loss. could've done better. finished 44. out of 84. it was round 8 that knocked me out. i was playing against common enemy, the deck that has a 70% winning percentage against my deck(fearsome five/gotham knights). somehow i managed to survive everything he threw my way and it was turn 8. now to those who don't know, if my deck reaches turn 9, my win percentage is like 95%. turn 8. all i had to do is survive this turn. and it was likely that i would. then disaster struck. he pushed me into the attack phase and without realising it, my formation was terrible.(this means he's gonna open a can of whoop ass on me!) my bad! i let him rush me. then even at that, i could've done a major play! but i just didn't see it and proceeded to die on that turn. as soon as i lost, big yap walked up and told me how i could've survived! i was devastated! the game should've been mine! oh well... my opponent walks away mumbling "i was lucky". you damn right punk, you got lucky! till the next big tourney... btw, i'm quitting playing magic. just wanna concentrate on judging... maybe a few sealed tourney here and there.

had dinner in amcorp and then decided to go online in ss 2, where i am right now. got here and fell asleep in my car for like a good 2 hours? then my fav girl of the moment lena came over and picked me up to go do some chore with her friends tagging along. grace, pingsi? and samantha. nice girls. had a drink in starbucks before she sent me back to my car... it has been a long day. on a great note, liverpool beat newcastle 3-1 just now. cool...

to those who showed that they were there for me after reading my last blog entry, thx. and those who are still worried, don't be. this once in a while depression thing is actually good for me, i guess. it usually makes me stronger... i guess... *smile* later...

word of the day...
con·tent
adj.
Desiring no more than what one has; satisfied.
Ready to accept or acquiesce; willing: She was content to step down after four years as chief executive.

n.
Contentment; satisfaction.

definition of an off-tangent manic...

de•pressed /dprest/ adj.

1 very sad and without hope: She felt very depressed about the future.
2 suffering from the medical condition of depression
3 (of a place or an industry) without enough economic activity or employment: an attempt to bring jobs to depressed areas
4 having a lower amount or level than usual: depressed rates / prices

yup... i totally agree... very sad and without hope... and how bout that economic reference... i am totally broke..


broke /brk; AmE brok/ adj.

[not before noun] (informal) having no money: I'm always broke by the end of the month. During the recession thousands of small businesses went broke (= had to stop doing business). flat / stony broke (= completely broke)—see also break

just paints a picture of a thousand words... all i want for christmas is "a way to earn constant cash on a monthly basis."
and then there are ppl who say i should get a proper job. like what? i'm not qualified for anything... i've tried...
random note : there's this random chinese guy listening to old 80's music a few pc's away! crush on you is playing now... *impressed!*

not forgetting that i'm feeling lonely as well...


lone•some /lnsm; AmE lon-/ adj. (especially AmE)

1 unhappy because you are alone and do not want to be or because you have no friends: I felt so lonesome after he left.
2 (of a place) where not many people go; a long way from where people live: a lonesome road note at alone

don't get me wrong... it's not human contact i'm lacking. or female contact. or physical contact(*smiles*)... it's just someone to hold me when i least expect it. or someone to kiss me. it has been a while since someone kissed me instead of me kissing them... or someone to tell me it'll all be ok... that somehow i'll manage... and that i'll survive... that i'll be somebody again someday. to have someone to believe in you is an amazing feeling... just that i can't trust anyone anymore...

off-tangent rant:
why am i doing a single and not an album? cos i can't afford an album... why am i doing it in the first place? because it's the only thing i know how to do? am i trying to prove myself to anyone?

no

i'm doing this because i want to. because i know i can. because i have something to share with ppl out there and this my only fast closing window...

fuck it... if life's a bitch, i wish i can fuck her...

to end this really bad entry, lemme flick a paragraph from a friend's blog...

"get a grip.........

ps: if anyone reads this, and starts worrying.... please do not call me..... the last thing i can handle right now is like ten thousand (slight exaggeration here) phone calls , asking if i have lost it... or if i'm ok....

i willllll persevere..... (sashi[that's me!] comes to mind as i type those three words)
after all, i have been through worse.... or as bad as this before and survived....
i am after all... nothing short of a "champion" ;)"

later...

rain, rain go away...

come again another day... am in kuantan now, in richie's place. it's been raining non stop since we got here... working on something that, if it works out, might put me back on the map again. wish me luck ppl.

a few ppl who called me yesterday were surprised to find out that i was in kuantan. it was a last minute decision anyway. something i had to do. hopefully i'll be back by friday.

a couple of parties and birthdays coming up. triona, alysia, ayu, debbie and cheryl's birthday coming up... what can i give em... only my friendship... triona's party on friday... wonder if i'll be back in town for it, joeiy's party on sat night, the kdu street party on sat, versus rm150 tourney on saturday... busy weekend huh?

liverpool won today in amazing fashion in the champions league. they needed to win by 2 goals against olympiakos. they were down 0-1 by half time. 3 goals needed in the second half.

tech : "who's gonna score three goals for us?"

me : "don't worry, baros will score, gerrard will score and neil mellor will score the third in the last minute!"

looked like i got 2 out of 3 correct. sinama pongolle scored early in the second half, neil mellor came on and scored in the 80th minute and gerrard scores a screamer in the 87th minute! what a win. that makes it 3 amazing wins in 4 matches. nice to see liverpool playing with such passion. been supporting them for 16 years now... up and down with them. i'll never walk alone. later...

make haste my lil one...

that message is for yours truly... so that my single comes out soon... managed to finish up all the vocal bits... got chris who wrote the chorus for legend of boo to come in and do the japanese vocals because her japanese friend had to fly back to japan the night she was supposed to record... and my bassist who was supposed to session for me conveniently forgot about the session too... oh well. its good to hear the song 70% complete...

i've been away from my online community that there is so much to read on everyones blog... and blog being the no 1 word of the year... *smile*

been playtesting alot for versus tcg... 10k tourney coming up. i'm playing fearsome knights. wish me luck. winning money would be good...

everyone's coming back end of the year... rudy, sean, small ben, lena, andrea... more to come i hope... its always good to see my friends again... later...